Chapter 22 – Welcome To His Nightmare

November 28th, 2006

INT. NABOO LAKE RETREAT, ANAKIN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Anakin moves restlessly in his sleep. He mutters to himself. Sweat forms on his forehead. He turns violently. He cries out.

ANAKIN: No… No… No… Mom!… Don’t, no, don’t!

He’s startled awake.

*maces screaming Hayden fangirls in the front row, gives them something else to scream about*

I’ll have to get more mace for ROTS. evil

EXT. NABOO LAKE RETREAT – BALCONY OVERLOOKING GARDENS – MORNING

Anakin is on the balcony overlooking the gardens. After a moment, Padme comes onto the balcony behind him. She sees he is meditating and turns to go.

ANAKIN: (eyes closed) Don’t go.

PAMDÉ: I don’t want to disturb you.

ANAKIN: Your presence is soothing.

Her absence would be more soothing.

Brief pause.

PADMÉ: You had another nightmare last night.

ANAKIN: Jedi don’t have nightmares.

PADMÉ: I heard you.

Anakin opens his eyes and looks at her.

ANAKIN: I saw my mother. She is suffering, Padmé. I saw her as clearly as I see you now.

Anakin turns way and sighs deeply.

ANAKIN: She is in pain. (Turning back) I know I’m disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator, but I have to go. I have to help her!

PADMÉ: I’ll go with you.

What for? You’re the one in danger. Naboo is supposed be safe and…

Oops, I forgot I was watching the PT. Nothing is supposed to make sense. pfft

ANAKIN: I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice.

From this point (all the way to her death in ROTS), she pretty much drops out of the picture as an active character. Her presence changes nothing and she does nothing to change anything. You can kind of say her giving birth is a passive act because it happens as one event to take off a checklist.

EXT. TIPOCA CITY, KAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) – DAY

Jango Fett’s ship, SLAVE I, rests on the landing platform. Jango and Boba are preparing to board. Obi-Wan rushes through the tower door and runs toward the ship.

BOBA FETT: (Pointing) Dad! Look!

Jango turns to see Obi-Wan charging out of the tower toward him.

JANGO FETT: Boba, get on board!

As he runs, Obi-Wan draws his lightsaber from his belt. It flashes on. Jango draws his guns and fires at the charging Jedi. Obi-Wan deflects the blasts. The bounty hunter rockets up and away, getting off a few more shots before landing on the top of a nearby tower. Obi-Wan evades them, rolling out of the way. IN THE COCKPIT of Jango’s ship, Boba grabs the controls of the forward laser guns and swings them to aim at Obi-Wan. From the tower, Jango fires a rocket from his jet pack. The explosion throws Obi-Wan to the ground. His lightsaber skids across the wet surface of the landing platform. Slave I’s guns open fire, sending Obi-Wan further across the platform.

Jango drops from the tower to landing in front of Obi-Wan. But the Jedi leaps up to kick him in mid-air. Jango falls and loses both his blasters. He gets to his knees in time to stop another kick, and throws Obi-Wan to the deck. Obi-Wan retaliates with a kick to the head.

IN THE COCKPIT, Boba watches as:OUTSIDE, Obi-Wan and Jango grapple and fight, punching, kicking, grabbing hold, and throwing each other around. Jango connects with a head butt. Obi-Wan hits the deck and slides, then spots his lightsaber. He gets up and reaches out for his lightsaber, using the Force to bring it to him. Jango rockets up into the air and fires a thin wire from his wristpack. It wraps around Obi-Wan’s wrists before he can retrieve the lightsaber.

Jango continues flying, dragging Obi-Wan behind him along the platform surface. As Obi-Wan slides toward some columns he manages to maneuver himself into a roll, avoiding a collision by leveraging the wire against the structure and pulling himself to his feet. He pulls with all his weight against the momentum of the wire, causing Jango to drop and crash into the ground. His rocketpack breaks free from his back, flies into a nearby structure and explodes.

Jango throws himself toward one of his discarded blasters. Obi-Wan charges at Jango, kicking him over the platform edge and avoiding several shots.

Then he realizes he’s still tied by the wire.

OBI-WAN: Oh, not good.

He is pulled over the edge. Locked together, Obi-Wan and Jango plummet down toward the raging ocean. At the last moment, Jango digs his forearm claws into the surface. Obi-Wan slides past him and over the edge. Jango’s hold keeps him from falling any further, but his weight is dragging the bounty hunter closer to the edge. Jango finally ejects the wire free from his wrist. Obi-Wan plummets toward the waves below. He uses the Force and causes the wire to wrap around a pole, stopping his descent.

When Jango looks down, the Jedi has disappeared. He uses his forearm claws to climb back to the landing platform.

The Jedi swings and drops onto a small service platform just above the waves. He hauls himself to his feet, and uses the Force to open a door.

Jango climbs back onto the landing platform. Boba sees him and settles into the pilot’s seat, powering up the ship. Obi-Wan comes running out onto the landing platform and sees SLAVE I beginning to take off. This time, he retrieves his lightsaber successfully and turns it on just as the engines roar. Obi-Wan takes a small tracking device from his belt and throws in onto the hull of the ship.

The ship lifts off from the platform and heads up into the lowering sky. It disappears. Lightning flashes. Rain lashes the tower and streams across the surface of the platform where Obi-Wan extinguishes his lightsaber, watching.

There’s a dearth of good old-fashioned hand-to-hand combat in the PT, and I haven’t heard or read much complaint about this fight. The only complaint I have is that Obi-Wan and Jango didn’t get to finish it on Geonosis.

Posted by Darth Sheba @ 12:15 pm | 2 Comments »

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Chapter 21 – Our Ability To Suspend Disbelief Has Diminished

November 15th, 2006

INT. TIPOCA CITY – CORRIDOR – DAY

Obi-Wan stands with Taun We at the door.

TAUN WE: Tell your Council the first battalions are ready. And remind them if they need more troops, it will take more time to grow them.

And more money to pay for them. )

OBI-WAN: I won’t forget. And thank you.

TAUN WE: Thank you.

Obi-Wan pull his hood over his head and leaves.

EXT. TIPOCA CITY, KAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) – LATE DAY

Obi-Wan comes out from the tower into the driving rain. The door closes behind him. He pulls his robe around him and braces himself against the gale. Obi-Wan glances back toward the closed door, confirming that Taun We has left. He walks over to his Starfighter, looks to see if anyone is watching, then addresses Arfour.

OBI-WAN: Arfour.

Arfour switches on and beeps.

OBI-WAN: Scramble code five to Courscant, care of the old folks� home.

Arfour beeps and whistles. A transmitter dish emerges next to the droid and the message is transmitted.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE, YODA’S QUARTERS – LATE AFTERNOON

Yoda sits with Mace Windu. Between the two Jedi, a hologram of Obi-Wan speaks.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) I have successfully made contact with the Prime Minister of Kamino. They are using a bounty hunter named Jango Fett to create a clone army. I have a strong feeling that this bounty hunter is the assassin we’re looking for.

MACE WINDU: Do you think these cloners are involved in the plot to assassinate Senator Amidala?

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) No, Master. There appears to be no motive.

I’d certainly like to know how you discerned that. sus

YODA: Do not assume anything, Obi-Wan. Clear, your mind must be if you are to discover the real villains behind this plot.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) Yes, Master. They say a Master Sifo-Dyas placed the order for a clone army at the request of the Senate almost ten years ago.

Mace and Yoda look at each other with concern.

OBI-WAN: (V.O., con’t) I was under the impression he was killed before that. Did the Council ever authorize the creation of a clone army?

MACE WINDU: No. Whoever placed that order did not have the authorization of the Jedi Council.

This always makes me run around in frustrated circles. What the heck are the Jedi doing authorizing an army? And it’s even crazier that they have that kind of power in the first place. Having the Jedi be an arm of the government (and be a reflection of that government’s incompetence and impotence) is absolutely nuts. I had always pictured the Jedi as knights-errant who went wherever the Force directed them, not be at the beckon call of the chancellor.

YODA: Bring him here. Question him, we will.

OBI-WAN: (V.O.) Yes, Master. I will report back when I have him.

How would he bring him back? Flag down a freighter headed for Coruscant? pfft

The hologram of Obi-Wan fades.

YODA: Blind we are, if creation of this clone army we could not see.

MACE WINDU: I think it is time we inform the Senate that our ability to use the Force has diminished.

GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! hitwall

Why would you tell them that? Lovely explanation of how they missed all the signs. Lovely way to weaken them. They’re pretty much useless at this point.

YODA: Only the Dark Lord of the Sith know of our weakness. If informed the Senate is, multiply our adversaries will.

Does anybody know of any other enemies than the Sith (whom they have explicitly ignored since the end to the last movie)?

Me neither.

Posted by Darth Sheba @ 9:06 pm | 4 Comments »

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Chapter 20 – As The Stomach Churns

November 6th, 2006

EXT. NABOO LAKE RETREAT – LATE AFTERNOON

The setting sun touches the mountain peaks. The lake glows in the rose-tinted light.

This is where I decided this was a SW movie in name only. If I wanted pretty “rose-tinted” pictures, I’ll go find a Monet exhibit.

INT. NABOO LAKE RETREAT, DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

A servant places a platter of fruit next to Anakin.

ANAKIN: And when I got to them, we went into… aggressive negotiations. (to servant) Thank you.

PADMÉ: “Aggressive negotiations,” what’s that?

ANAKIN: Uh, well, negotiations with a lightsaber.

PADMÉ: (laughing) Oh.

lol … |

*resists the urge to rip the DVD out the player and run over it with the car*

Empty! Totally empty, useless scene! At this point in the movie I’ve pretty much stopped caring about either of these pretty dolls, and I just want to move on to the next gun battle or lightsaber fight.

Any notion of this being a romantic scene (or a light, funny scene) has been drowned out by the stabbing pain behind my eyes.

Padmé picks up her fork and knife to slice a fruit. Anakin moves his fingers, and the fruit floats from her plate to his.

Ugh. ILM showing off again. And who the heck eats raw fruit with a fork and knife?! Idiocy! frustrate

ANAKIN: If Master Obi-Wan caught me doing this, he’d be very grumpy.

“I’m already grumpy.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

He cuts the fruit into several pieces and sends one back to Padmé. She spears it with her fork out of the air and eats it.

INT. NABOO LAKE RETREAT – FIREPLACE ALCOVE – TWILIGHT

A fire blazes in the open hearth. Padmé and Anakin are sitting in front of it, gazing into the flames. She looks up as Anakin leans in to kiss her.

In 2002 I spent almost the whole scene with my eyes covered. I had to force myself to watch it the second time I saw the movie so that I was absolutely sure I didn’t imagine how awful this scene is.

ANAKIN: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again, I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets.

Is she about to come out of that thing or what? lol

ANAKIN: (Con’t) The thought of not being with you…I can’t breathe. I’m haunted by the kiss you should that never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything that you ask.

I got something to ask you…stop getting your romancespeak from soap operas! I never thought I would ever hear such rotgut dialogue in a SW movie. All the gushers who say the OT had dialogue that bad have got their ears on backwards. Nothing that came out of Luke, Han, or Leia’s mouths made me want to slap them silly.

Notice she starts scooting away from him as he’s blubbering. I don’t care what those A/P people say, spewing your feelings like that is just NOT sexy or cute or romantic. Especially coming from the Skystalker.

And I didn’t know dominatrix gear was an essential part of the senatorial wardrobe. I heard Lucas designed that, and, if he did, he needs to stop going to Victoria’s Secret catalogues for ideas.

Silence. The logs flame in the hearth. Padmé meets his eye, then looks away.

ANAKIN: If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me.

Of course, she’s suffering. That corset is tight!

PADMÉ: I can’t. We can’t. It’s…just not possible.

ANAKIN: Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me.

PADMÉ: No, you listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You’re studying to become a Jedi Knight. I’m-I’m a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go. Regardless of the way we feel about each other.

ANAKIN: Then you do feel something!

Oops. That was my dinner trying to make a return appearance. Sorry about that.

PADMÉ: I will not let you give up your future for me.

ANAKIN: You’re asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do. Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings. But I can’t.

PADMÉ: I am not going to give in to this.

Anakin is thinking.

ANAKIN: Well, you know it…wouldn’t have to be that way. We could keep it a secret.

And, again, we have no idea what would happen if they were found out.

PADMÉ: We’d be living a lie – one we couldn’t keep up even if we wanted to. I couldn’t do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?

Silence for a moment.

ANAKIN: No. You’re right. It would destroy us.

Maybe. But this movie? It’s dead, Jim.

This whole storyline is dead because I already don’t feel anything for the characters. On top of that, this whole whirlwind romance thing exists outside the main action of the plot. It’s not a subplot because it doesn’t go anywhere, it doesn’t advance the story. It exists in a world unaffected by whatever else is going on. It’s this one thing and nothing else and only serves to draw attention to itself.

That’s a deadly thing. That’s a killing thing. Because it’s existing independently, it loses its power. You can also feel it trying to take over the movie, which is also bad. If it were anyone else doing that, they would get laughed at before the script got run through the shredder.

Posted by Darth Sheba @ 11:12 am | 11 Comments »

Filed under: Attack of the Clones